Receipts

I had gotten this e-mail from a friend of mine. He and his wife had just gone to a local drug store and purchased 1 item, and his wife commented on how long the receipt was for just one item. He decided to go home and make up his own receipt. I just thought I would share it with you.

Thanks for shopping at BigMart Shopping Center and Pharmacy.

This is your receipt!

Merchant ID: JASABAZADOODOO9

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BIGMART! WHERE EVERY DEAL IS A BARGAIN!

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You were served by: Bob Darmott, employee #4212562018596046198, badge #1388721032120015. If you have any personal beefs with Bob Darmott, he can be found at his home address: 2099 Baycliff Ave.

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Please bring this receipt with you if you wish to return your product. This receipt is in no way a guarantee that you will receive your money back, and we reserve the right to change, alter, or lie about any part of this receipt that we so choose. Customer service representatives are authorized to grab this receipt from your hands and then deny that you ever presented it to them.

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BIGMART! WHERE EVERY TIME YOU VISIT IS WHEN YOU SHOP HERE!

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Please cut out and save this portion of your receipt to receive a $5.00 discount on the new top-selling album Hamsters of Anarchy. Coupon is redeemable only at this location on Thursday evenings after five in the late fall months, which are determined solely at our discretion.

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BIGMART! WHERE WHAT YOU SPEND IS THE PRICE YOU PAY!

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Our marketing executives are so desperate for your feedback that they will award you big money, cash prizes, and/or nothing if you visit us at www.BigMart.com and participate in a short twenty-five minute survey. Please be advised that none of the questions asked will be relevant to the things you find most annoying about our store, and you will never get a chance to express those sentiments to anyone who can do something about it.

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BIGMART! WHERE YOUR EXPERIENCE IS WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU!

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BigMart is committed to keeping our environment green. As a result, we offer this nature-friendly suggestion: Please do not throw out your receipt! It can be recycled in many creative ways. You can use it as a blindfold or, if you move it three inches upwards, a funny headband. Receipts for purchases over $100 are long enough that they can be rolled around empty toilet paper rolls and used for personal hygiene. Or, if you like, there is enough room on the backside of one of our receipts for you to write an entire novel, including several appendixes.

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BIGMART! WHERE SAVING MORE WILL COST YOU LESS!

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Again, thank you for shopping at BigMart! We know you have many other choices, some of which are vastly superior, so we are extremely grateful that you went slumming and came to our store. Please honor us with your presence again. We so greatly appreciate your business that we are willing to do anything for you except for teaching our employees basic social skills. Please return as soon as humanly possible. If you leave the store, get out to your car, and realize that you have forgotten something, we recommend immediately turning around and coming back into the store. At that time, you will undoubtedly indulge in some more impulse buying. If impulse buying is a problem for you, please call 1-900-GET-POOR, and you will be connected with a counselor who can help relieve the guilt you feel over your spending problem. (Calls are $2.50 per minute for the first three minutes and $7.00 a minute thereafter. Additional fees may apply.)

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Your fortune for today:

HAPPY SMILES WILL BRING YOU PEACEFUL PROSPERITY

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Oh yeah, your purchase total was: $4.98.

Your total savings for today were: $0.00

Your balance was paid with: Credit Card, Cash, Check, or Personal Favor.

(Note to employees: please circle one.)

A gratuity has been included in the cost of your items.

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Copies of this receipt are also available in German, Spanish, Hungarian, and French.

Customer agrees to all terms and conditions regardless of whether they know such terms and conditions exist.

No purchase necessary You may obtain receipts for products you did not buy at www.BigMart.com.

For official rules to an imaginary contest that no real person will actually ever win, please visit www.BigMart.com.

To earn rewards, work hard in life and don’t expect some store to give them to you. It’s not our responsibility.

Couldn’t find what you were looking for? Tough!

For questions: please call 1-900-GET-LOST.

Have a nice day!

***Customer Copy***

Receipt #73186510.324

Ticket #8

Password that will allow you into official CIA records: I82MUCH

Random meaningless code: #$AK:fow1e;oa

APPROVED

PLEASE SAVE THIS RECEIPT FOR YOUR RECORDS

(PREFERRABLY IN A THREE-RING BINDER)