The Assignment

We had been given an assignment for the past couple of months. After the meeting we needed to listen to the first song that we heard on the radio when we got in our cars and then write a scene about it. Most of the time when I got in the car either the radio wasn’t on or the DJ’s were talking and by the time a song came on I didn’t even think about it. This time was different. It was a cold and rainyWednesday night after 10 pm and as I started the engine, a song came on the radio it was a love song. As the words streamed out of the radio into my ears I could feel a cold chill running down my body to my feet making me numb. Being single for 3 years now I programmed myself to block out love songs so that I didn’t get depressed. As much as I tried to block out the song I kept thinking of the assignment and then it happened. I got really depressed. I flashed back to when we were leaving and Sandy had said “It’s late, you guys better get home someone will be worried.” My kids might be worried if they were awake.

It’s been hard being single, the first year after the divorce I was angry and hurt so I kept busy, very busy, working 60 hours a week and trying to balance the schedule of three kids. The second year I bought a house (a fixer upper), I still worked to much overtime and I started Salsa Dancing lessons on Monday nights and somehow I still barely had time for the kids. The whirlwind of busyness had gone on for 3 years, 2 months, and 18 days until the day I got laid off, or should I say the day after.

The alarm went off and I jumped out of bed, as usual yelled at all of the kids to get up. Got dressed, said bye to the boys, got my daughter in the car and dropped her off at school. I drove to Baker’s Drive Thru for my morning tea and then ….. it hit me, I had no where to go! I tried to think of something that I could do but nothing is open at 7:15 in the morning, so I drove back home. I looked around the house to see what projects I had time for now.  Of course the more projects I took on the more depressed I got, I just kept thinking isn’t this a man’s job. I miss being touched not just sexually but even a hug, or holding hands. I miss looking lovingly into someone’s eyes. I miss doing something and having someone one care how my day went. I hear other people complain about their wife or husband and it really makes me mad. If you’re bitching to bitch then shut up, if you’re seriously not happy then let them go so that they can find their soul mate and you can find yours. I think that’s why I haven’t even tried looking, I feel like he’s not out there yet.

I am grateful for this writing assignment because I had been going through life – just going through it. Since our last meeting on February 24th I have felt, thought and experienced more life then I thought I could handle. Writing helps, but apart of me wants to just jump back into that busy life so that I don’t have to think about it, or feel it. Right now writing a novel, being a Tupperware Lady, fixing my house and my kids is going to have to be enough.