Do you know the punishment for bigamy?? Two mothers-in-law.
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "My God, I wish I had your willpower."
The last fight was my fault! My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. Wedding cake.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months? I don't like to interrupt her.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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